The Theory of Self-Preservation

ano b yan? gawa-gawa nanaman ni edsgee.. ayan, i would like to inform everyone na i am trying to rediscover myself... alam ko, this article is really self-centered.. pero gusto kong isulat to... sa totoo lang, gusto ko uling makilala ung sarili ko eh.. ang layo ko na kasi sa kung sino ako talaga... gusto ko nang ipreserve ang sarili ko... i wanna wake up from a life of illusion.. from being very insensitive to the feelings of other people.. i heve hurt a lot of hearts,, and for that,, im really sorry... it's so plastic or fake na sabihin na i did not mean to hurt you... pero that's partly true.. im just irresponsible for my actions... im just another stupid careless ass na sarili lang ang iniisip... for a long time, i thought na i made myself believe na i do things for other people... but no, i've done things for my own benefit... ganun ba yun? siguro... i seldom say sorry to some people, mataas kasi ang pride ko... all this time, ive been trying to prove something... to my family, to my friends... sa lahat... ang labo kong tao... ive lived my life far from reality... a life of pretention... pretending that i was happy... pretending that i was perfect... but in reality, i was also vulnerable.. im just another ordinary person, seeking for affection... ano napala ko? wala.. nagdeteriorate ung sarili ko... ive ruined my name, myself... now, it is really hard for me to escape from the trap ive made for myself... di na ako makawala... naiiipit na ako.. nahihirapan... para akong isang lobo na ang tayog ng lipad... nangarap na abutin ang langit... hanggang sa makalimutan na pwede akong pumutok, sumabog, magkagula-gulanit... anytime... pero, lobo lang ako, para ding tao... i cant turn back time... all i can do is wait for what is gonna happen to me... if i survive, then good... if i don't, then sorry nalang... but wait, i can still do good things... i can still change my life... there is still time for me to refoem myself... to be a better person... im still holding on to some people... nasana naman wont let me down... i have my family, bLow, my friends... even enemies... lahat kayo... hindi lang naman ako ang humaharap sa problema ng mundo... marami kami, marami tayo... so what's the point of being sad? nothing... i have a life to live... and a lot more love to give... time might be ticking away pero at least, may time parin diba? i wont let any opportunity to pass... i'll grab each chance na makapag-improve,, na maprove ang sarili ko... there is ressurrection... and i will be resurrected... ill rise from all the ashes of my katangahan... of all my carelessness... i still have a destiny to fulfill... no more paawa effects... no more second thoughts... i will live my life to the fullest... hindi na ako magpapahintay... sasabay na ako... ang isang bagong ako...

Ano Ba'ng Alam Mo Sa Pag-ibig

Anu bang alam mo sa pag-ibig? nakita mo na ba ang true love mo? na-love-at- first sight k n b? ito yung mga tanong na karaniwang lumalabas sa utak ko... ewan ko ba kung bakit.. siguro kasi hirap na hirap akong i-define ung word na love... for so many times, i've fallen in love... and for so many times din, ove fallen out of it... ang labo ng feeling, promise... pero naisip ko lang ngaun ngaun lng na you dont really have to define LOVE... kasi once you define it... parang nililimit mo ito.. ang labo eh... tsaka ung love, super broad... LOVE is for everyone to share... tsaka nadedevelop ng continuous ung feeling inside you as each second passes... parang everyday nga you have a brand new perspective on love... true naman diba? parang dati lang kasi nasasabi ko na LOVE is bullshit and everything... tapos the day after, ive been completely dependent on love... tapos naman nun, i played on love... ngaun, i feel na it is better to love... kahit na it is also good to be loved... okay na na alm mo na your heart beats for someone.. kahit na di nya naibabalik yun... martir kumbaga...grabe, ang sobrang sudden nung pag-alter ng feelings... kaya dun, na-prove ko ung theorem na it really is hard to define LOVE... puro nlng LOVE, LOVE, LOVE... di pa ba nakaksawa? no, hindi... never kong pagsasawaan ang love... kasi nga, practically speaking,, it makes the world go round... hehe... siguro, even in death,, i won't be able to define love... kasi alam ko, though my heart stops on beating, love will still remain... it has already been immortalized by all its believers... i have learned to love love... kasi i have learned to love most people... not all parin pala... hehe.. even my foes... ganun ang buhay,, it's a cycle of LOVE... of love given and of love returned... although may love na stagnant na... may nagdedevelop parin... of love continuously nourished... of love flourising at each passing time... sad part, may love na dying na... sa lifeline, may 50:50 rin... may love na fake... love na pinaglalaruan... love na totoo... your one true love... forgotten love and love forbidden.. marami pa yan... pero ung favorite ko, LOVE that remains forever...[,"]

Sex: Love In Action

Love for me is the emotional, mental and physical attraction between two people.. hehe ang labo noh[,"] pero, feeling ko un na un eh... at may i add pa na regardless dun ung gender... hehe... i know maraming kokontra... pero, this is for me lang naman... hay nku.. moving on, part daw ng love ang SEX... is sex a necessity for a relationship to work out? pwedeng YES eh... pwede ring NO... pero i have to take my stand on this... kaya i'll say YES nalang.. it is essential dahil...

#1: hindi ka manghihinayang gawin yun with your partner if you really love him or her

wait nga... para namang mga bata pa tayo rito.. from now on, i'll avoid using the word "yun" when i talk about sex... dapat, sabihin ko yun ng deretso... kung kailangan pang ispecify.. why not? we're all matured beings naman diba?

moving on...

#2: title nga nito, SEX: LOVE IN ACTION.. kaya yang SEX, that's one way of showing love lang to your partner... you won't feel bad when you have intercourse with him... kasi, na-aappreciate nyo ang isa't isa.. ang katawan ng isa't isa...

#3: health tip lang, sex is a good way to exercise.. hehe, in fact, it lessens the risk of dying for those who have heart ailments..

#4: Let's say na inaya kang makipagsiping ng boyfriend o girlfriend mo, tatanggi k b? alam mo, wag na.. go for it na.. well, that is kung feeling mo may LOVE na nageexist between the two of you.. at ska, practice na rin yun para equipped ka na pagdating ng future... hehe... if nagbreak kayo, don't feel bad,, isipin mo nlng na pareho naman kayong nagkamali... haaayyy... well, there is always another chance..

#5: ang sama ng feeling kung gagawin mo yun for money... walang tunay na pleasure... bakit? kasi u will always feel unsatisfied... na nagsex lang kayo para naman masustain ng sandali yung libog ng isa't isa... ung isa, gagastos lang, ung kabilang party naman,, parang niyurakan ng pagkatao diba...

these are only some of the many reasons kung bakit ko nasabi na SEX is LOVE IN ACTION... may part two pa toh... watch out ka lang for it... magcomment karin regarding this article... mapapakinabangan ko yun,, pati na ng readers ng BLOG ko... in that way, may matututunan tayo sa isa't isa...

The Journey

Half the world is sleeping,
half the world's awake
half can hear their hearts beat
half just hear them break
I am but a traveler, in most every way
Ask me what you want...to know
What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
and they're bound to guide my way
When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
what a journey it has been.
I have been to sorrow
I have been to bliss
Where I'll be tomorrow,
I can only guess
Through the darkest desert
Through the deepest snow,
Forward always forward, I go..
What a journey it has been
and the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
and they're bound to guide my way
When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
what a journey it has been...
Forward, always forward...
Onward, always up...
Catching every drop of hope
In my empty cup
What a journey it has been
And the end is not in sight
But the stars are out tonight
and they're bound to guide my way
When they're shining on my life
I can see a better day
I won't let the darkness in,
what a journey it has been...
What a journey it has been...

ito ang journey ko.. ang buhay ko.. at so journey na ito, kasama ko kayo[,"]

walang sawaan ha.. walang iwanan...

i have this friend na sobrang nasasad ako ngayon kasi feeling ko napapalayo na siya sa akin, sa totoo lang, di ko alam yung dahilan,, pero alam mo, kilala mo naman kung sino ka eh,, alam mo na hindi kita kayang iwanan, nung minsang yun na hindi kita napagbigyan sa request mo na samahan ka, di ko kinaya yun, masakit sa loob ko yun sa totoo lang.. pero sana, wag mo akong papiliin between you and my other friends.. pareho naman kayong mahal ko... sorry kung nasak tan kita nun... sana mag-usap na tayo uli...

gusto na uli kitang makasama sa journey ko...

Life's beautiful. Live it. Love it. 

/vi-ces/

grabe, siguro most of the world's population ay mayroong bisyo. it may be drugs, alcohol, pornography, smoking...etcetera. sobrang daming addiction ng tao. hehe, cool noh? i'll be a hypocrite naman kung pagsasabihan ko kayo na tigilan yan noh. guys, buhay nyo yan, kayo bahala. marami akong kilalang may vices. pero alam nyo, ung vices nila don't make them less of a person. in fact, i can say na they are really great people. u know why? kasi, they have their goals in life and they strive to achieve those goals. there's nothing wrong with these people. i think, they are just enjoying life... hindi nga lang kapareho nung pag-eenjoy nung ibang tao. the negative side, ayoko lang kasi dun sa mga tao na nagbibisyo pero di nila kayang panindigan. yung tipong ikakahiya yun. [well, at times, nakakahiya naman talaga] pero, ang labo lang kasi, hindi nila napanindigan yung pagbibisyo nila sa sarili nila to the extent na sobra na silang nagpabaya. in othe words, lost na yung utak nila, lost na yung katawan, lost na yug energy...sabaw.

sana lang, kung may vices kayo, whether good or bad[hehe] wag nyo pababayaanyung sarili nyo. kasi, hindi lang kayo apektado, hindi lang rin ako.. lahat kami.. yang katabi mo, yung kapitbahay mo, pati yung mga eskimo sa northpole.. ang labo, pero saryus toh..[,"]

The Pixie Says:

"The brightest ideas i this world come from children."

Loves It[,"]

ang day na toh... VERY... hehe... i so love this day... lalang kasi I ate lunch kanina sa Fazoli's with my friends, namely, Migui, Kalvin and Jojo... and to these three people, guys, sobrang love ko kayo.. siguro among all my friends, sa kanilang tatlo ako pinaka nakakapagkuwento ng buhay ko.. grabe... and of course, happy rin ako whenever natututlungan ko sila... grabe... nasayad nga lng ung bulsa ko sa Fazoli's noh.. hehe... kasi naman, di ako prepared... anyway, may isang tao pa akogn pasasalamatan... i so miss this gurl... si Miray, i know naman na we often have misunderstandings.. and weve already been through a lot... feeling ko nga, ang plastic nya sakin.. [sorry, pero un tlga un, i wanna be honest with you girl] pero, alam nyo, love ko xa.. i wanna bring back ung closeness namin before.. sana naman diba... sa totoo lng, i am happy sa lahat ng nangyayari sa kanya ngayon.. kasi im starting to see a whole new person... para bng ito na ung start ng Metamorphosis nya... nagsastart na cyang mag-grow as a person... sana ituloy mo yan...

REALIZATION: you should not limit the people around you, well, especially ur friends, hehe... kasi sila ung super heroes ng buhay mo... they'll save you even in you darkest days... ginawa silang limitless ni God for you.. BLOW atbp, salamat[,"]

Two Weeks Notice

hahaha... may i just say na two weeks na akong galit sa isang tao... hehehe... but no, di nya alam... now, gagawin ko tng isang blind item para malaman nyong lahat... <--mean

clue#1: badette? correct! [hmmm]

clue#2: part cya ng batch 2k6[,"]

clue#3: dazer? of course! 201-206

that's enough.. well, gusto ko lang sabihin sayo na okay lang naman na inaasar mo ko.. pero sana, not to the extent naman na aabot ka dun sa sobrang personal na.. okay siguro kung friends ko yung gagawa nun sakin.. kasi nga FRIENDS ko sila... it's not that im giving them the authority to make fun of me... it's just that wala ka kasing K na taray-tarayan ako... kagaya nga ng na-say ni migui nung kinuwento ko toh sa kanya: "you are not even part of this!" siguro nga marami akong flaws, i admit that,, pero sana, kaya morin tanggapin na mas marami kang ganun... i don't wanna stoop down to your level biatch! get lost![,"]

You Never Knew--- Will You Ever Know?

Many times when you asked me why I was having another sleepless night, I had to take great pains in blaming it on my non-existent insomnia attack or oversleeping.
You never knew that I actually spent those wakeful hours playing and re-playing vivid pictures of you in my mind.

When you wondered in confusion why I lost my cool on you on that one day for no reason at all, I humbly apologized and offered that I was merely having a bad day.
You never knew that I was actually reacting from immense jealousy because I just suffered the torment and agony of seeing you walk her home.

Whenever we’re sitting down talking, my eyes would gaze everywhere but your direction. I effectively made you believe that I was plain inattentive, bored or disinterested.
You never knew that I refused to meet your eyes because I feared that you’ll see more than friendship in mine.

Whenever our shoulders casually brushed or your hands accidentally touched mine, I would feign nonchalance and act unaffected.
You never knew the sheer bliss and warmth that I felt each time from your slightest touch and closeness, and how I was always dying to find your hand in mine.

When we’re seated next to each other in the movies, I always kept a safe distance and made sure my hands are nowhere within your reach making you think that I was probably a prude or stiffly boring.
You never knew how I so loved the nearness of you, the familiarity of your breath and scent. I feared that you might hold my hand and that if you did, I just might not have been able to let go.

Whenever you told me you missed me, I would always respond in quiet calm and disinterest. Oftentimes, I would even mock you just so you’ll think that I never took your words to heart.
You never knew how those three words never failed to send a thrill rushing down my spine or how I longed to tell you that I too, missed you –a million times more!

Whenever you tell me how wonderful and beautiful she is and how she means the world to you, I would listen in patient understanding, offer sound advices and encourage you not to lose hope.
You never knew how seeing and hearing you talk about her cuts and shatters my heart into a thousand broken pieces and how I wished you’d forget her because she belongs to someone and can never be yours.


When the task of doing cd compilations of my favorite songs fell upon you, I lost no time in giving you lists one after another.
You never knew that it was my subtle way of baring my feelings to you. Those were songs from my heart – words of which I wished I could say to you but couldn’t.

When you felt taken for granted because I never asked how you were or purposefully forgot the things that mattered to you most, it’s so convenient for me to blame it on my unromantic nature and poor memory.
You never knew how many times I was on the verge of sending you those sweet text messages of how are you or how in spite of my hopeless forgetfulness, I always managed to remember the day that we met because it’s a special day for me.

You never knew these things - - and more.

All because . . .

my heart's not free to love you...

and so is yours...

fallin' feLine

cats have 9 lives... un ung sabi nila... based on superstitious beliefs... grabe noh,, they really are lucky... sino nga ba naman ang may ayaw mabuhay ng 9 na beses... mamamatay ka, then mabubuhay ka uli. who would not want to live like that? AKO, ayoko na... alam nyo, sobra akong na-sad kanina..gusto ko lang i-share senyo why... kasi, we had this pet na cat sa bahay. well, she has no name. she's a pusa-kal lang kasi [short for pusang-kalye]. anyway, two weeks ago, the cat gave birth to three kittens... aun, tinago nya lng ung kittens, as in sobrang wala akong alam until lasy week. alam nyo ba kung ano ung ginawa dun sa tatlong kuting? tinapon sila kanina sa isang malayong lugar. sh*t, nakakainis yun noh... i can feel the pain na nararamdaman nung pusa.. kasi after na mawala ung mga anak nya dun sa pinagtataguan nila, nagmomoan cya ng nagmomoan. alam mo naman kasi ung difference ng typical na "meow" dun sa may kasamang pain.. grabe talaga yun...

anyway, i just hope na makarecover ung pusa dun sa nangyari sa kanya. sobrang emotional torture kasi un eh..

realization ko, there is that very special tie between us and our loved ones talaga.. na kahit ano mangyari, kahit bigla silang mawala, there is one thing na magku-connect parin sa atin.. kung ano talaga yun, di ko parin alam.. pero, im in the process of discovering it[,"]

DotA:why not?

like duhr... sobrang usong uso ang DotA nowadays... grabe, dati parang iniisip ko na sobrang walang kwenta ang computergames... i don't really get hooked naman kasi eh... lalang.. that's so not me... but no, DotA is a lot different... grabe! in fact. it's so addictive.. hehe... first time kong magDotA eh... na-addict na ako.. i can't stop... sobrang lost na lost kaya ako nung umpisa... as in sobrang ako ung parating DEAD... hehe... parating "pawned"... pero nung tumagal na ung game, i can say na mas natuto na ako... in other words, di na ako pabigat sa grupo... hehe.. at xmpre, madali lng ang trabaho ko... im a HEALER... hehe... pinili ko [nila for me] si Chen... lalang... he's a Holy Knight... astig talaga.... astig yung DotA, promise... maski ako, i cant believe na natry ko un... being a badette kasi, i limited na myself na di ko un kaya... thanx to my DotA pals nalang kasi you taught me to overcome that limitation... and next time, mas gagalingan ko pa... pwamis! [,"]

DotA: highly commended![,"]

nyKo: Leaving On A Jetplane

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.
But the dawn is breaking it's early morning
The taxi is waiting, he is blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome, I could cry

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for meHold me like you never let me go

I'm leaving on a jetplane,I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go

There is so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now they don't mean a thing.
Every place I go I think of you
Every song I sing I sing for you.
When I come back I wear your wedding-ring


So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for meHold me like you never let me go

I'm leaving on a jetplane,I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go


Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes, and I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to comeI wont have to leave alone, and I
wont have to say:


So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you wait for meHold me like you never let me go

I'm leaving on a jetplane,I don't know when I'll be back again.
I'm leaving on a jetplane,I don't know when I'll be back again.
I'm leaving on a jetplane,I don't know when I'll be back again.

Oh babe I hate to go.

haaayyy, my kapatid is gonna leave na.. punta na sa canada si nyko for his summer vacation.. gurl, im really gonna miss you... kasi you are one of the very few people na nakakaintindi sakin.. hehe... isa ka dun sa mga pinagkakatiwalaan ko... with you, pwede akong magpakatotoo... haaayyy... as if namang u r not gonna return noh... pero saryus talaga... im gonna miss you.. alam ko naman na xmpre.. nag-aaway rin naman tayo noh... pero at the end of each day.. we'll always find ourselves at each others arms... haaayyy... siguro, ganun narin tayo ka-strong... mawawala ka for a while ms.strong-willed badette! and well all be waiting for your return... balik ka na here asap ha!!!

-untitled-

Who'd have thought this is how the pieces fit
You and I shouldn't even try making sense of it
I forgot how we ever came this far
I believe we had reasons but I don't know what they are
Don't blame it on my heart, oh

Love moves in mysterious ways
It's always so surprising
When love appears over the horizon
I'll love you for the rest of my days
But still it's a mystery
How you ever came to me
Which only proves
Love moves in mysterious ways

Heaven knows love is just a chance we take
We make plans but then love demands a leap of faith
So hold me close and never never let me go
'Cos even though we think we know which way the river flows
That's not the way love goes, no

Like the ticking of a clock two hearts beat as one
But I'll never understand the way it's done, oh

Love moves... in mysterious ways....

sana lang mabasa mo toh.. kilala mo pa naman kung sino ka eh... magfu-4 years narin pala... salamat sa 1st year